My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

Quote by Joan Rivers

Topics: Joan Rivers Quotes

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the...

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the...

Is she fat? Her favorite food is seconds

Is she fat? Her favorite food is seconds

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

Dont talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Dont talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world...

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world...

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call...

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call...

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your...

Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your...

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were...

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.

Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.

Even in a country like the USA where fitness has become an obsession, most people...

Even in a country like the USA where fitness has become an obsession, most people...