I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the hell off my property.

Quote by Joan Rivers

Topics: Joan Rivers Quotes

Don't talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Don't talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Dont talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Dont talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through...

I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through...

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the...

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the...

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world...

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world...

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were...

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were...

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.

It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of...

I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of...

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if...

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if...

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

Never floss with a stranger.

Never floss with a stranger.

Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience...

Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience...

Anger is a noble infirmity; the generous failing of the just; the one degree that...

Anger is a noble infirmity; the generous failing of the just; the one degree that...

The truth shall make you free, but first it shall make you angry.

The truth shall make you free, but first it shall make you angry.

Rage is the only quality which has kept me, or anybody I have ever studied,...

Rage is the only quality which has kept me, or anybody I have ever studied,...