I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.

Quote by Joan Rivers

Topics: Exercise Quotes

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were...

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were...

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or...

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or...

Never floss with a stranger.

Never floss with a stranger.

I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through...

I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through...

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to...

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to...

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the...

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the...

Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your...

Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your...

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world...

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world...

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.