The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

Quote by Joan Rivers

Topics: Joan Rivers Quotes

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the...

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the...

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to...

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through...

I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through...

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive...

Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive...

Is she fat? Her favorite food is seconds

Is she fat? Her favorite food is seconds

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.

Don't talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Don't talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later...

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later...

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

Dont talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Dont talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

He who limps is still walking.

He who limps is still walking.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were...

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were...

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one...

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one...