Dont talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass!

Quote by Joan Rivers

Topics: Ageing Quotes, Valentines Day Quotes

I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of...

I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of...

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the...

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the...

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are...

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are...

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to...

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to...

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call...

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call...

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if...

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if...

Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your...

Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your...

Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience...

Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience...

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the...

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the...

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

Don't talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Don't talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone...

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone...

Age wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul.

Age wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul.

Single people pretend like being single on Valentines doesn't suck...Yeah right, I used to hate...

Single people pretend like being single on Valentines doesn't suck...Yeah right, I used to hate...