Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Phyllis Diller Quotes

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes,...

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes,...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor

Just over 800 people were gathered around the cooking stage, all eager to learn about...

Just over 800 people were gathered around the cooking stage, all eager to learn about...

There are so many things that come into writing a recipe, and it's really important...

There are so many things that come into writing a recipe, and it's really important...

I cook everything. I love Mediterranean cooking, I love Asian cooking. I do lots of...

I cook everything. I love Mediterranean cooking, I love Asian cooking. I do lots of...