Quotes by W C Fields

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a...

#W C Fields

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a...

#W C Fields

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days...

#W C Fields

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim...

#W C Fields

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.

#W C Fields

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand...

#W C Fields

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep...

#W C Fields

Never give a sucker an even break.

#W C Fields

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

#W C Fields

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a...

#W C Fields

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

#W C Fields

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

#W C Fields