My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: Illness Quotes

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn...

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn...

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid...

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid...

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim...

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim...

It was a woman who drove me to drink -- and, you know, I never...

It was a woman who drove me to drink -- and, you know, I never...

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.

Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

The trick is to stop thinking of it as 'your' money.

The trick is to stop thinking of it as 'your' money.

I hope some day to make you all a cup of coffee. Alright, peace.

I hope some day to make you all a cup of coffee. Alright, peace.

It's better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid than...

It's better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid than...