My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: Illness Quotes

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today -- sell liquor or drink...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today -- sell liquor or drink...

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake,...

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake,...

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight

A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight

Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.

Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep...

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep...

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

A wonderful drink, wine. . . . Did you ever hear of an Italian grape...

A wonderful drink, wine. . . . Did you ever hear of an Italian grape...

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid...

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid...

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.