Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: W C Fields Quotes

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a...

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a...

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.

Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.

I only drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for...

I only drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for...

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid...

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid...

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a...

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a...

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to...

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to...

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like...

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like...

I never met a kid I liked.

I never met a kid I liked.

A wonderful drink, wine. . . . Did you ever hear of an Italian grape...

A wonderful drink, wine. . . . Did you ever hear of an Italian grape...

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy...

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy...

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which...

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which...

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake,...

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake,...