The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: W C Fields Quotes

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn...

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn...

I like children - fried.

I like children - fried.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was...

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was...

I have been asked if I ever get the DTs; I don't know; it's hard...

I have been asked if I ever get the DTs; I don't know; it's hard...

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a...

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a...

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a...

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a...

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull...

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull...

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

In the end, everything is a gag.

In the end, everything is a gag.

If you see a bandwagon, its too late.

If you see a bandwagon, its too late.

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from...

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from...