Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaagghhh!!' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

Quote by Tommy Cooper

Topics: Funny Quotes, Jokes Quotes

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note...

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note...

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside...

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside...

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old...

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old...

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note...

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note...

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note...

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note...

I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and...

I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and...

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog...

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog...

I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?'...

I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?'...

I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure.

I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure.

Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage...

Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage...

I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace.

I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks....

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks....

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog...

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog...

I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and...

I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and...

So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser...

So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser...

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the...

Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the...

He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs...

He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs...

Books to judicious compilers, are useful; to particular arts and professions, they are absolutely necessary;...

Books to judicious compilers, are useful; to particular arts and professions, they are absolutely necessary;...

Not every book should be a compass. Some should be a pair of wax wings...

Not every book should be a compass. Some should be a pair of wax wings...