He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, That's a turn-up for the books.

Quote by Tommy Cooper

Topics: Books Quotes

I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and...

I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and...

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note...

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note...

I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke...

I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke...

I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and...

I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and...

So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser...

So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser...

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog...

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog...

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks....

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks....

I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?'...

I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?'...

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me Can you...

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me Can you...

Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the...

Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the...

So a man jumps into a taxi and says King Arthur's close and the taxi...

So a man jumps into a taxi and says King Arthur's close and the taxi...

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note...

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note...

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog...

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog...

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside...

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside...

Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go...

Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go...

I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace.

I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace.

Old age is no place for sissies.

Old age is no place for sissies.

We should pay as much reverence to youth as we should to age; there are...

We should pay as much reverence to youth as we should to age; there are...

Some die too young, some die too old; the precept sounds strange, but die at...

Some die too young, some die too old; the precept sounds strange, but die at...

I ain't saying the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went...

I ain't saying the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went...