https://quotes-lover.com/wp-content/themes/ql18/img/social/facebook.pnghttps://quotes-lover.com/wp-content/themes/ql18/img/social/twitter.pnghttps://quotes-lover.com/wp-content/themes/ql18/img/social/google-plus.png

I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and...

I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and...

So a man jumps into a taxi and says King Arthur's close and the taxi...

,

So a man jumps into a taxi and says King Arthur's close and the taxi...

I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke...

,

I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke...

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note...

,

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note...

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks....

,

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks....

So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser...

,

So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser...

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old...

,

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old...

I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?'...

,

I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?'...

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside...

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside...

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog...

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog...

And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking...

And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking...

He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs...

He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs...

Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go...

,

Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go...

I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace.

,

I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace.

Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage...

Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage...

I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure.

I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure.

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the...

Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the...