So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'

Quote by Tommy Cooper

Topics: Funny Quotes, Jokes Quotes

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I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and...

And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking...

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You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note...

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Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage...

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Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the...

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So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside...

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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks....

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks....

Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the...

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I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure.

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I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and...

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Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go...

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I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?'...

I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?'...

So a man jumps into a taxi and says King Arthur's close and the taxi...

So a man jumps into a taxi and says King Arthur's close and the taxi...

He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs...

He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs...

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note...

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note...

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog...

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I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

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So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me Can you...

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