I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.

Quote by Spike Milligan

Topics: Funny Quotes, Jokes Quotes

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

Money couldn't buy you friends, but you get a better class of enemy.

Money couldn't buy you friends, but you get a better class of enemy.

I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it...

I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it...

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of...

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of...

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

The Grand Old Duke of York He had ten thousand men. His case comes up...

The Grand Old Duke of York He had ten thousand men. His case comes up...

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

I thought I'd begin by reading a sonnet by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why...

I thought I'd begin by reading a sonnet by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why...

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

I'm a hero with coward's legs.

I'm a hero with coward's legs.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of...

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of...

I'm not afraid of dying I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid of dying I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy.

Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy.

Money can't buy friends but it can get you a better class of enemy

Money can't buy friends but it can get you a better class of enemy

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of...

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of...

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

A writer is congenitally unable to tell the truth and that is why we call...

A writer is congenitally unable to tell the truth and that is why we call...

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not...

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not...

For every ten jokes, thou hast got a hundred enemies

For every ten jokes, thou hast got a hundred enemies