There are three reasons for breast-feeding: the milk is always at the right temperature; it comes in attractive containers; and the cat can't get it.
Quote by Irena Chalmers
If you were to open up a baby's head -- and I am not for...
Today I saw a baby with a bib that said 'This dumbass put my cape...
Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare.
Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children. Now, I have...
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
No one likes change but babies in diapers.
An ugly baby is a very nasty object - and the prettiest is frightful.
Like a midwife, I make my living bringing new babies into the world, except that...
I can't think why mothers love them. All babies do is leak at both ends.
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile--hoping it will eat him last.
I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food!
You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he...
A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.
Middle age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature.
Reverence is the chief joy and power of life - reverence for that which is...
One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My...
Boy, have you got your lions crossed.
Weekend planning is a prime time to apply the Deathbed Priority Test: On your deathbed,...
Colleges are like old-age homes, except for the fact that more people die in colleges.
What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of...