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Saying I don't take my meds because they make me feel funny. Is like cannibals...

Saying I don't take my meds because they make me feel funny. Is like cannibals...

I dont mind ketchup on my hot dog, as long as the bun is tight.

I dont mind ketchup on my hot dog, as long as the bun is tight.

Nothing makes me want a relationship to fail more than matching profile pictures.

Nothing makes me want a relationship to fail more than matching profile pictures.

The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock this morning is the fact...

The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock this morning is the fact...

The best time to look for a job is when you already have one. Men...

The best time to look for a job is when you already have one. Men...

Sex is like high school...you miss a period and you're in trouble.

Sex is like high school...you miss a period and you're in trouble.

One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling 'Help! Shark!...

One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling 'Help! Shark!...

Snooki is expecting her baby on December 21, 2012. I guess the Mayans knew what...

Snooki is expecting her baby on December 21, 2012. I guess the Mayans knew what...

I could be in another country but if someone is waiting on me and they...

I could be in another country but if someone is waiting on me and they...

If guns kill people, then pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk, and spoons...

If guns kill people, then pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk, and spoons...

It's a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny...

It's a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny...

I lose all respect for myself when I bite my own tongue. I've been chewing...

I lose all respect for myself when I bite my own tongue. I've been chewing...

I named my hard drive 'That Ass' so once a month my computer asks me...

I named my hard drive 'That Ass' so once a month my computer asks me...

The greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up...

The greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up...

Online dating is now like eating at Denny's thanks to photoshop, in person your order...

Online dating is now like eating at Denny's thanks to photoshop, in person your order...

When someone looks at your baby pictures and jokingly says 'Aww you were soo cute!...

When someone looks at your baby pictures and jokingly says 'Aww you were soo cute!...

I have an eating disorder. I be eatin DIS order of fries, and DIS order...

I have an eating disorder. I be eatin DIS order of fries, and DIS order...

I felt so bad last night for having this one night stand, the following day...

I felt so bad last night for having this one night stand, the following day...

I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me...

I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me...

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old...

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old...