Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Quote by Spike Milligan

Topics: Spike Milligan Quotes

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy

I'm not afraid of dying I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid of dying I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I thought I'd begin by reading a sonnet by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why...

I thought I'd begin by reading a sonnet by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why...

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of...

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of...

Money couldn't buy you friends, but you get a better class of enemy.

Money couldn't buy you friends, but you get a better class of enemy.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board...

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board...

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy

Money can't buy friends but it can get you a better class of enemy

Money can't buy friends but it can get you a better class of enemy

Money can't buy friends but it can get you a better class of enemy

Money can't buy friends but it can get you a better class of enemy

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of...

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of...

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of...

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of...

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't.

It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't.

I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.

I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.

If you would have a good wife, marry one who has been a good daughter.

If you would have a good wife, marry one who has been a good daughter.

I think like any marriage, especially when you've had divorced parents like myself; you want...

I think like any marriage, especially when you've had divorced parents like myself; you want...