Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

Quote by Joan Rivers

Topics: Joan Rivers Quotes

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later...

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later...

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the...

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the...

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the...

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if...

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

Dont talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Dont talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were...

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were...

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.