Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: George Carlin Quotes

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more...

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more...

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticide grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain....

Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticide grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain....

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is...

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is...

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that...

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that...

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly...

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly...

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said...

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said...

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're...

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're...

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

In the Church of Jesus Christ there can and should be no non-theologians

In the Church of Jesus Christ there can and should be no non-theologians

We must remember that we have to make judges out of men, and that by...

We must remember that we have to make judges out of men, and that by...

Absurdity is what I like most in life, and there's humor in struggling in ignorance....

Absurdity is what I like most in life, and there's humor in struggling in ignorance....

America is a rebellious nation. Our whole history is treason; our blood was attained before...

America is a rebellious nation. Our whole history is treason; our blood was attained before...

Such silence has an actual sound, the sound of disappearance.

Such silence has an actual sound, the sound of disappearance.