Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

Quote by George Burns

Topics: George Burns Quotes

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember...

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember...

How can I die? I'm booked.

How can I die? I'm booked.

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

Be quick to learn and wise to know.

Be quick to learn and wise to know.

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have...

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have...

The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got...

The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got...

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased...

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased...

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good...

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good...

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I...

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I...

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than...

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than...

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman -...

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman -...

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running...

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running...

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what...

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what...

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember...

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember...

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

I would there were no age between ten and three-and-twenty, or that youth would sleep...

I would there were no age between ten and three-and-twenty, or that youth would sleep...

Young people don't know what age is, and old people forget what youth was.

Young people don't know what age is, and old people forget what youth was.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a...

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a...