The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

Quote by George Burns

Topics: George Burns Quotes

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember...

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember...

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides,...

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides,...

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper...

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper...

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have...

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have...

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what...

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what...

It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.

It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and...

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and...

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.

You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy...

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy...

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember...

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember...

Be quick to learn and wise to know.

Be quick to learn and wise to know.

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only...

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only...

The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got...

The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got...

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased...

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased...

After 12 years, the old butterflies came back. Well, I guess at my age you...

After 12 years, the old butterflies came back. Well, I guess at my age you...

Litigation takes the place of sex at middle age.

Litigation takes the place of sex at middle age.