I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

Quote by George Burns

Topics: Death Quotes, Funny Quotes

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have...

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have...

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a...

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a...

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman -...

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman -...

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running...

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running...

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my...

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my...

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and...

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and...

How can I die? I'm booked.

How can I die? I'm booked.

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.

Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what...

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what...

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased...

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased...

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than...

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than...

You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.

You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember...

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember...

Old age is an incurable disease.

Old age is an incurable disease.

He who is of calm and happy nature will hardly feel the pressure of age,...

He who is of calm and happy nature will hardly feel the pressure of age,...

It's funny the way most people love the dead. Once you're dead, you're made for...

It's funny the way most people love the dead. Once you're dead, you're made for...