I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

Quote by George Burns

Topics: Death Quotes, Funny Quotes

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good...

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good...

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I...

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I...

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a...

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a...

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman -...

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman -...

Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.

Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.

The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got...

The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got...

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember...

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember...

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have...

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have...

How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days.

How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days.

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my...

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my...

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember...

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember...

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what...

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what...

How can I die? I'm booked.

How can I die? I'm booked.

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only...

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only...

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of...

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of...