I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

Quote by George Burns

Topics: Death Quotes, Funny Quotes

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have...

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have...

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of...

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of...

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die...

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die...

How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days.

How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days.

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I...

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I...

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember...

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember...

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper...

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper...

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than...

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than...

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got...

The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got...

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased...

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased...

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a...

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a...

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only...

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only...

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good...

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good...

It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.

It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.

You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.

You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides,...

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides,...