Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.
Quote by George Burns
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
How can I die? I'm booked.
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running...
I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.
I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides,...
How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days.
Its hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when...
Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a...
I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased...
I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than...
Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman -...
If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die...
The reason for the slow progress of the world seems to lie in a single...
Ours is the age which is proud of machines that think and suspicious of men...