It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

Quote by George Burns

Topics: Alcohol Quotes, Funny Quotes

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running...

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running...

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

Its hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when...

Its hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when...

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman -...

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman -...

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and...

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and...

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than...

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than...

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I...

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I...

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have...

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have...

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a...

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a...

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember...

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember...

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only...

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only...

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased...

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased...

How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days.

How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper...

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper...

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything...

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything...

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die...

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die...

You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.

You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.

How can I die? I'm booked.

How can I die? I'm booked.

Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.