I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

Quote by George Burns

Topics: Funny Quotes

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased...

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased...

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of...

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of...

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a...

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a...

Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I...

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I...

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy...

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy...

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what...

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what...

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember...

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember...

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good...

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good...

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and...

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and...

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got...

The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got...

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only...

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only...

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my...

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my...

Age merely shows what children we remain.

Age merely shows what children we remain.

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to...

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to...

The good writing of any age has always been the product of someone's neurosis.

The good writing of any age has always been the product of someone's neurosis.

The profession of book-writing makes horse racing seem like a solid, stable business.

The profession of book-writing makes horse racing seem like a solid, stable business.