I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

Quote by George Burns

Topics: Funny Quotes

Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than...

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than...

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember...

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember...

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of...

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of...

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my...

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my...

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die...

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die...

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what...

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what...

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running...

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running...

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper...

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper...

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have...

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have...

It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.

It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.

The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got...

The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got...

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and...

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and...

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy...

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy...

The necessary connexion of representatives with taxes, seems to have sunk deep into many of...

The necessary connexion of representatives with taxes, seems to have sunk deep into many of...

So I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller',...

So I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller',...

Without the way , there is no going; without the truth, there is no knowing;...

Without the way , there is no going; without the truth, there is no knowing;...