By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.

Quote by George Burns

Topics: Age Quotes, Funny Quotes

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what...

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what...

You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.

You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good...

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good...

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased...

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased...

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a...

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a...

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running...

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running...

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper...

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper...

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember...

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember...

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of...

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of...

Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.

Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman -...

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman -...

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

How can I die? I'm booked.

How can I die? I'm booked.

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die...

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die...

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

I had used eclectic therapy and behavior therapy on myself at the age of 19...

I had used eclectic therapy and behavior therapy on myself at the age of 19...

There should not be any trace of dislike or distrust on the score of nationality,...

There should not be any trace of dislike or distrust on the score of nationality,...

What makes old age hard to bear is not the failing of one's faculties, mental...

What makes old age hard to bear is not the failing of one's faculties, mental...

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning...

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning...