By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.

Quote by George Burns

Topics: Age Quotes, Funny Quotes

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of...

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of...

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper...

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper...

Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.

Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have...

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have...

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than...

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than...

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased...

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased...

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running...

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running...

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember...

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember...

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides,...

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides,...

Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.

It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman -...

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman -...

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

Older men declare war. But it is youth that must fight and die.

Older men declare war. But it is youth that must fight and die.

Death is only a launching into the region of the strange Untried; it is but...

Death is only a launching into the region of the strange Untried; it is but...

Nothing is lasting but change; nothing perpetual but death.

Nothing is lasting but change; nothing perpetual but death.

The reason for the slow progress of the world seems to lie in a single...

The reason for the slow progress of the world seems to lie in a single...