By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.

Quote by George Burns

Topics: Age Quotes, Funny Quotes

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only...

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only...

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything...

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything...

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my...

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my...

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy...

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy...

You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.

You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of...

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of...

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper...

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper...

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what...

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what...

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased...

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased...

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

Be quick to learn and wise to know.

Be quick to learn and wise to know.

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

For in all the world there are no people so piteous and forlorn as those...

For in all the world there are no people so piteous and forlorn as those...

I have discovered in 20 years of moving around a ballpark, that the knowledge of...

I have discovered in 20 years of moving around a ballpark, that the knowledge of...

Middle age is when a guy keeps turning off lights for economical rather than romantic...

Middle age is when a guy keeps turning off lights for economical rather than romantic...