Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
Quote by George Burns
I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.
I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a...
I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides,...
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good...
I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased...
Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city
Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...
I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I...
Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman -...
How can I die? I'm booked.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper...
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what...
You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only...
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.