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If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

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If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

Reality: What a concept!

Reality: What a concept!

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only...

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only...

Spring is nature's way of saying, Let's party!

Spring is nature's way of saying, Let's party!

The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.

The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.

The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.

The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.

The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your...

The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your...

Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals...

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Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals...

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

Cricket is basically baseball on valium.

Cricket is basically baseball on valium.

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only...

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See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only...

Men wearing pants so tight that you can tell what religion they are.

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Men wearing pants so tight that you can tell what religion they are.

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.

If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?

If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.