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Do you think God gets stoned? I think so... look at the platypus.

Do you think God gets stoned? I think so... look at the platypus.

Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.

Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.

Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper...

Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper...

I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... a large Arctic...

I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... a large Arctic...

I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.

I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.

We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong.

What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong.

When in doubt, go for the dick joke.

When in doubt, go for the dick joke.

When the media ask George W. Bush a question, he answers, 'Can I use a...

When the media ask George W. Bush a question, he answers, 'Can I use a...

When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family...

When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family...

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through...

Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through...

Carpe per diem - seize the check.

Carpe per diem - seize the check.

Comedy is acting out optimism.

Comedy is acting out optimism.

Spring is nature's way of saying, Let's party!

Spring is nature's way of saying, Let's party!

The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.

The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.