When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.
Quote by George Carlin
When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for...
Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror
Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...
If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people...
Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of...
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...
One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I...
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience...
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is
When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...
If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a...
A smile will go the mile, while a frown will take you down.
A smile is a way of writing your thoughts on your face, telling others that...