Quotes about Phyllis Diller

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

#Phyllis Diller

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick...

#Phyllis Diller

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

#Phyllis Diller

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...

#Phyllis Diller

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

#Phyllis Diller

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

#Phyllis Diller

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

#Phyllis Diller

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

#Phyllis Diller

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

#Phyllis Diller

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

#Phyllis Diller

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

#Phyllis Diller