Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: Funny Quotes

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink....

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink....

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a...

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a...

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand...

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand...

I have been asked if I ever get the DTs; I don't know; it's hard...

I have been asked if I ever get the DTs; I don't know; it's hard...

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy...

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy...

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink...

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid...

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid...

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was...

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was...

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

I never met a kid I liked.

I never met a kid I liked.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and...

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and...

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

Moralizing and morals are two entirely different things and are always found in entirely different...

Moralizing and morals are two entirely different things and are always found in entirely different...

Those who are compassionate when they should be tough will be tough when they should...

Those who are compassionate when they should be tough will be tough when they should...