Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: Funny Quotes

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple...

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple...

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

I have been asked if I ever get the DTs; I don't know; it's hard...

I have been asked if I ever get the DTs; I don't know; it's hard...

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink....

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink....

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink...

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep...

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep...

I drink therefore I am.

I drink therefore I am.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

There are only two real ways to get ahead today -- sell liquor or drink...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today -- sell liquor or drink...

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull...

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull...

Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.

Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.

And they did eat and drink, he and the men that were with him, and...

And they did eat and drink, he and the men that were with him, and...

The word which came unto Jeremiah from the LORD in the days of Jehoiakim the...

The word which came unto Jeremiah from the LORD in the days of Jehoiakim the...

To be successful, keep looking tanned, live in an elegant building (even if you're in...

To be successful, keep looking tanned, live in an elegant building (even if you're in...