She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

Quote by Joan Rivers

Topics: Funny Quotes, Putdowns Quotes

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your...

Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your...

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

Don't talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Don't talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are...

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are...

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

He who limps is still walking.

He who limps is still walking.

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or...

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or...

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call...

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call...

I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of...

I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of...

Dont talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Dont talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if...

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if...

Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive...

Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive...

The world today doesn't make sense, so why should I paint pictures that do?

The world today doesn't make sense, so why should I paint pictures that do?

Art is man's expression of his joy in labor.

Art is man's expression of his joy in labor.