She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

Quote by Joan Rivers

Topics: Funny Quotes, Putdowns Quotes

Never floss with a stranger.

Never floss with a stranger.

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to...

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to...

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is...

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is...

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were...

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were...

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For...

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For...

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call...

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call...

Don't talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Don't talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience...

Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience...

The intoxication of anger, like that of the grape, shows us to others, but hides...

The intoxication of anger, like that of the grape, shows us to others, but hides...

Do not be angry with me if I tell you the truth

Do not be angry with me if I tell you the truth

Every child senses, with all the horse sense that's in him, that any parent is...

Every child senses, with all the horse sense that's in him, that any parent is...