My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.

Quote by Spike Milligan

Topics: Funny Quotes, Parents Quotes

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of...

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of...

It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't.

It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

It's all in the mind, you know.

It's all in the mind, you know.

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it...

I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it...

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why...

I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why...

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

I'm not afraid of dying I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid of dying I just don't want to be there when it happens.

For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and...

For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and...

The Grand Old Duke of York He had ten thousand men. His case comes up...

The Grand Old Duke of York He had ten thousand men. His case comes up...

I'm a hero with coward's legs.

I'm a hero with coward's legs.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of...

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of...

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

I can speak Esperanto like a native.