My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the the fire brigade.

Quote by Harry Hill

Topics: Funny Quotes, Jokes Quotes

I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on...

I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on...

It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny...

It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny...

Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day...

Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day...

Sex is more fun than cars but cars refuel quicker than men.

Sex is more fun than cars but cars refuel quicker than men.

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face...

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face...

Hand wash only = 'Machine wash, gentle cycle.'

Hand wash only = 'Machine wash, gentle cycle.'

My marriage is on the rocks again; yeah, my wife just broke up with her...

My marriage is on the rocks again; yeah, my wife just broke up with her...

Always remember this: A kiss will never miss, and after many kisses a miss becomes...

Always remember this: A kiss will never miss, and after many kisses a miss becomes...

Every age has a kind of universal genius, which includes those that live in it...

Every age has a kind of universal genius, which includes those that live in it...

By the worldly standards of public life, all scholars in their work are of course...

By the worldly standards of public life, all scholars in their work are of course...

Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the...

Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the...

Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise...

Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise...

When I was very young and the urge to be someplace was on me, I...

When I was very young and the urge to be someplace was on me, I...

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.

Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.

Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show...

Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show...

Information is the oxygen of the modern age. It seeps through the walls topped by...

Information is the oxygen of the modern age. It seeps through the walls topped by...

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog...

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog...

I have had a holiday, and I'd like to take it up professionally.

I have had a holiday, and I'd like to take it up professionally.

Black and Mexican jokes are all the same. Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.

Black and Mexican jokes are all the same. Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.