My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the the fire brigade.
Quote by Harry Hill
Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day...
I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on...
It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny...
Trying to sneak a fastball past Hank Aaron is like trying to sneak the sunrise...
Mathematics is the art of giving the same name to different things.
This New Years, I'm going to party like Maury just told me I'm not the...
My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.
Robert Redford used to be such a handsome man and now look at him: everything...
The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to...
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but...
The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is...
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
I think I swallowed a bug!
I saw Hamlet Prince of Denmark played; but now the old plays begin to disgust...
When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in...
Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
Watch out, they spit!
One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.
Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.