Hand wash only = 'Machine wash, gentle cycle.'

Topics: Funny Quotes, Girls Quotes

Housekeeping ain't no joke

Housekeeping ain't no joke

He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his...

He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his...

I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.

I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.

How the hell should I know? Most of the people my age are dead. You...

How the hell should I know? Most of the people my age are dead. You...

Don't bother me at work...unless cake is involved.

Don't bother me at work...unless cake is involved.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope...

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope...

Sex is the most beautiful thing that can take place between a happily married man...

Sex is the most beautiful thing that can take place between a happily married man...

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it...

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it...

Why does a person even get up in the morning? You have breakfast, you floss...

Why does a person even get up in the morning? You have breakfast, you floss...

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We...

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We...

Youth is the time of getting, middle age of improving, and old age of spending.

Youth is the time of getting, middle age of improving, and old age of spending.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the...

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the...

I never did very well in mathI could never seem to persuade the teacher that...

I never did very well in mathI could never seem to persuade the teacher that...

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless,...

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless,...

When the girlfriend and I get in an argument, I begin to believe in flying...

When the girlfriend and I get in an argument, I begin to believe in flying...

Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.

Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.

Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by...

Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by...