Hand wash only = 'Machine wash, gentle cycle.'
Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late.
Have you seen my Kung fu lately? Cause it has gotten totally awsome!
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
I enjoy life. I think I'll enjoy death even more.
Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good...
A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!
Husbands should be like Kleenex: soft, strong, and disposable.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang...
The less you know, the sounder you sleep.
I DON'T have EX's! I have Y's. Like 'Y the hell did I date you?!'
Not just in commerce but in the world of ideas too our age is putting...
The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten...
Rashness belongs to youth; prudence to old age.
An engineer is someone who washes his hands before going to the toilet.
Behind every great man there is a surprised woman.
One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks...
We act like we're related because we're best friends. We've been best friends since we...
A girl will not admit she's wrong because she believes her heart and her heart...