Hand wash only = 'Machine wash, gentle cycle.'

Topics: Funny Quotes, Girls Quotes

'True Life: I Have A Hot Mom' is easily my favorite True Life.

'True Life: I Have A Hot Mom' is easily my favorite True Life.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old...

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old...

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's...

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's...

Perhaps I am a bear, or some hibernating animal underneath, for the instinct to be...

Perhaps I am a bear, or some hibernating animal underneath, for the instinct to be...

I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.

I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.

I don't exaggerate - I just remember big

I don't exaggerate - I just remember big

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to...

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to...

Setting a good example for your children takes all the fun out of middle age.

Setting a good example for your children takes all the fun out of middle age.

I'm so ugly - My father carries around a picture of the kid who came...

I'm so ugly - My father carries around a picture of the kid who came...

The best example of democracy I can recall is five wolves sitting down to dinner...

The best example of democracy I can recall is five wolves sitting down to dinner...

Perfection of means and confusion of goals seem - in my opinion - to characterize...

Perfection of means and confusion of goals seem - in my opinion - to characterize...

So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser...

So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser...

In Mexico an air conditioner is called a politician because it makes a lot of...

In Mexico an air conditioner is called a politician because it makes a lot of...

Last time I saw him he tried to murder me. But when you're trying to...

Last time I saw him he tried to murder me. But when you're trying to...

It's easy to fool the eye but it's hard to fool the heart.

It's easy to fool the eye but it's hard to fool the heart.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks....

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks....

A hug is a good way for two people with weak knees to hold themselves...

A hug is a good way for two people with weak knees to hold themselves...

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.

Boys are sent out into the world to buffet with its temptations, to mingle with...

Boys are sent out into the world to buffet with its temptations, to mingle with...