I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder.

Quote by Harry Hill

Topics: Funny Quotes, Jokes Quotes

My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he...

My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he...

Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day...

Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day...

It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny...

It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny...

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

A hair on the head is worth two on the brush.

A hair on the head is worth two on the brush.

For in all the world there are no people so piteous and forlorn as those...

For in all the world there are no people so piteous and forlorn as those...

There is absolutely nothing to be said in favour of growing old. There ought to...

There is absolutely nothing to be said in favour of growing old. There ought to...

Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying.

Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace.

I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace.

Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because...

Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because...

NyQuil: The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

NyQuil: The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

Age is like love, it cannot be hid.

Age is like love, it cannot be hid.

I love my relationship with my bed. No commitment needed. We just sleep together every...

I love my relationship with my bed. No commitment needed. We just sleep together every...

Laughing at our friends, we avenge the disappointment they have caused.

Laughing at our friends, we avenge the disappointment they have caused.

It is my art. I am better at it than I ever was. And I...

It is my art. I am better at it than I ever was. And I...

A good old man, sir. He will be talking. As they say, when the age...

A good old man, sir. He will be talking. As they say, when the age...

One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up...

One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up...

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless,...

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless,...

Opportunity dances with those who are already on the dance floor.

Opportunity dances with those who are already on the dance floor.