Im convinced that God gave us Mondays to punish us for the things we did over the weekend...

Topics: Funny Quotes, Monday Quotes

Be in the habit of getting up bright and early on the weekends. Why waste...

Be in the habit of getting up bright and early on the weekends. Why waste...

I've dated men my age, younger than me and older. The only difference is the...

I've dated men my age, younger than me and older. The only difference is the...

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

The things which the child loves remain in the domain of the heart until old...

The things which the child loves remain in the domain of the heart until old...

My boyfriend's name is sleep and I get some every night.

My boyfriend's name is sleep and I get some every night.

I'm as pure as the driven slush.

I'm as pure as the driven slush.

Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window.

Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window.

What's the most popular pastime in America? Autoeroticism, hands down.

What's the most popular pastime in America? Autoeroticism, hands down.

Take hold of this (charm) that subjects to immortality (life), may thy life unto old...

Take hold of this (charm) that subjects to immortality (life), may thy life unto old...

I refuse to endure months of expensive humiliation only to be told that at the...

I refuse to endure months of expensive humiliation only to be told that at the...

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've...

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've...

It's better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a...

It's better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a...

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.

Hes a guy who gets up at six oclock in the morning regardless of what...

Hes a guy who gets up at six oclock in the morning regardless of what...

People change and forget to tell each other.

People change and forget to tell each other.

Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the...

Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the...

Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.

Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.

In an age in which the media broadcast countless pieces of foolishness, the educated man...

In an age in which the media broadcast countless pieces of foolishness, the educated man...

I think we're seeing in working mothers a change from 'Thank God it's Friday' to...

I think we're seeing in working mothers a change from 'Thank God it's Friday' to...

Monday is like a math problem. Add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems,...

Monday is like a math problem. Add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems,...