Im convinced that God gave us Mondays to punish us for the things we did over the weekend...

Topics: Funny Quotes, Monday Quotes

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero...

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero...

Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old...

Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old...

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.

You see, money's not everything in life is it? but it keeps you in touch...

You see, money's not everything in life is it? but it keeps you in touch...

Mosquitos remind us that we are not as high up on the food chain as...

Mosquitos remind us that we are not as high up on the food chain as...

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a...

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a...

If a writer has to rob his mother, he will not hesitate: The 'Ode on...

If a writer has to rob his mother, he will not hesitate: The 'Ode on...

There are three reasons for breast-feeding: the milk is always at the right temperature; it...

There are three reasons for breast-feeding: the milk is always at the right temperature; it...

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's...

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's...

Men are liars. We lie about lying if we have to.

Men are liars. We lie about lying if we have to.

I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The...

I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The...

What Youth deemed crystal, Age finds out was dew.

What Youth deemed crystal, Age finds out was dew.

All men are created Equal. Some just have more Splenda.

All men are created Equal. Some just have more Splenda.

Having a baby changes the way you view your in-laws, I love it when they...

Having a baby changes the way you view your in-laws, I love it when they...

Every age needs men who will redeem the time by living with a vision of...

Every age needs men who will redeem the time by living with a vision of...

Monday is like a math problem. Add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems,...

Monday is like a math problem. Add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems,...

Instead of hitting the garage door button, I hit the overhead light...then sat there and...

Instead of hitting the garage door button, I hit the overhead light...then sat there and...