Im convinced that God gave us Mondays to punish us for the things we did over the weekend...

Topics: Funny Quotes, Monday Quotes

When the girlfriend and I get in an argument, I begin to believe in flying...

When the girlfriend and I get in an argument, I begin to believe in flying...

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning,...

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning,...

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

I'm trying to read a book on how to relax, but I keep falling asleep.

I'm trying to read a book on how to relax, but I keep falling asleep.

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless,...

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless,...

I am of a healthy long lived race, and our minds improve with age.

I am of a healthy long lived race, and our minds improve with age.

I rant, therefore I am.

I rant, therefore I am.

As I get older, I just prefer to knit.

As I get older, I just prefer to knit.

And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the...

And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the...

The hardest people to convince they are at retirement age are children at bedtime.

The hardest people to convince they are at retirement age are children at bedtime.

I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.

I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.

Never fight an inanimate object.

Never fight an inanimate object.

Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price...

Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price...

Old age is the most unexpected of all things that happen to a man.

Old age is the most unexpected of all things that happen to a man.

I know a baseball star who wouldn't report the theft of his wife's credit cards...

I know a baseball star who wouldn't report the theft of his wife's credit cards...

The past is an old armchair in the attic, the present an ominous ticking sound,...

The past is an old armchair in the attic, the present an ominous ticking sound,...

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is...

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is...

In every country and in every age the priest has been hostile to liberty; he...

In every country and in every age the priest has been hostile to liberty; he...

Monday is a dreadful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

Monday is a dreadful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and half of Friday.

I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and half of Friday.