I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.

Quote by Fred Allen

Topics: Fred Allen Quotes

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Television is called a medium because anything good on it is rare

Television is called a medium because anything good on it is rare

A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the...

A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the...

Television is a triumph of equipment over people and the minds that control it are...

Television is a triumph of equipment over people and the minds that control it are...

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known,...

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known,...

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and...

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and...

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.

When a radio comedian's program is finally finished it slinks down Memory Lane into the...

When a radio comedian's program is finally finished it slinks down Memory Lane into the...

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when...

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when...

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the...

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the...

He writes so well he makes me feel like putting the quill back in the...

He writes so well he makes me feel like putting the quill back in the...

Television is the triumph of machine over people.

Television is the triumph of machine over people.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if...

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if...

A city where everyone seemed to live in a bungalow on a broad avenue lined...

A city where everyone seemed to live in a bungalow on a broad avenue lined...

If you're going to San Francisco, Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair

If you're going to San Francisco, Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair

Tonight the city is full of morgues, and all the toilets are overflowing. There's shopping...

Tonight the city is full of morgues, and all the toilets are overflowing. There's shopping...