I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.

Quote by Dean Martin

Topics: Funny Quotes, Putdowns Quotes

I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,'...

I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,'...

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show...

Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show...

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and...

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and...

I've got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: Hello,...

I've got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: Hello,...

If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

I'd hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that's...

I'd hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that's...

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks...

There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks...

You know, when you don't go on TV and talk about how many women you...

You know, when you don't go on TV and talk about how many women you...

In Hollywood, an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty percent of publicity.

In Hollywood, an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty percent of publicity.

I find Hollywood really toxic.

I find Hollywood really toxic.

The only ism Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

The only ism Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

I arrived in Hollywood without having my nose fixed, my teeth capped, or my name...

I arrived in Hollywood without having my nose fixed, my teeth capped, or my name...

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a...

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a...

It goes back to all of us wanting to be in Hollywood. We're all dying...

It goes back to all of us wanting to be in Hollywood. We're all dying...

Hollywood is where if you don't have happiness you send out for it.

Hollywood is where if you don't have happiness you send out for it.

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

I believe that God felt sorry for actors so he created Hollywood to give them...

I believe that God felt sorry for actors so he created Hollywood to give them...

Hollywood is like life, you face it with the sum total of your equipment.

Hollywood is like life, you face it with the sum total of your equipment.