I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.

Quote by Dean Martin

Topics: Funny Quotes, Putdowns Quotes

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and...

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and...

If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

I'd hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that's...

I'd hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that's...

Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show...

Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show...

I've got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: Hello,...

I've got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: Hello,...

I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,'...

I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,'...

There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks...

There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks...

I've learned a great deal about music through my experiences. I've learned of its sanctity....

I've learned a great deal about music through my experiences. I've learned of its sanctity....

You can't find any true closeness in Hollywood, because everybody does the fake closeness so...

You can't find any true closeness in Hollywood, because everybody does the fake closeness so...

Half the people in Hollywood are dying to be discovered and the other half are...

Half the people in Hollywood are dying to be discovered and the other half are...

I attribute [success] to having the background of just loving the great stories of the...

I attribute [success] to having the background of just loving the great stories of the...

In Hollywood, she's revered, she gets nominated for Oscars, but I've never heard anyone in...

In Hollywood, she's revered, she gets nominated for Oscars, but I've never heard anyone in...

I kind of like things slightly out of tune. It makes me feel... intoxicated almost......

I kind of like things slightly out of tune. It makes me feel... intoxicated almost......

Hollywood grew to be the most flourishing factory of popular mythology since the Greeks.

Hollywood grew to be the most flourishing factory of popular mythology since the Greeks.

I try to stay focused on my life and do try not to be brought...

I try to stay focused on my life and do try not to be brought...

Hollywood held this double lure for me, tremendous sums of money for work that required...

Hollywood held this double lure for me, tremendous sums of money for work that required...

The last thing I want to turn into is a fat Hollywood jerk. I was...

The last thing I want to turn into is a fat Hollywood jerk. I was...

In Hollywood, the women are all peaches. It makes one long for an apple occasionally.

In Hollywood, the women are all peaches. It makes one long for an apple occasionally.