I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.

Quote by Dean Martin

Topics: Funny Quotes, Putdowns Quotes

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and...

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and...

I've got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: Hello,...

I've got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: Hello,...

Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show...

Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show...

I'd hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that's...

I'd hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that's...

If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks...

There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks...

I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,'...

I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,'...

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.

Put it back in the horse! [on tasting his first American beer].

Put it back in the horse! [on tasting his first American beer].

Their marketing strategy had to be changed to the young people. That's who buys the...

Their marketing strategy had to be changed to the young people. That's who buys the...

Drinking beer doesn't make you fat, It makes you lean.... Against bars, tables, chairs, and...

Drinking beer doesn't make you fat, It makes you lean.... Against bars, tables, chairs, and...

Are you watching the weather channel? There's a drunk-front coming in, with a chance of...

Are you watching the weather channel? There's a drunk-front coming in, with a chance of...

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline -...

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline -...

God has a brown voice, as soft and full as beer.

God has a brown voice, as soft and full as beer.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep...

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep...

I fear the man who drinks water and so remembers this morning what the rest...

I fear the man who drinks water and so remembers this morning what the rest...

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the...

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the...