I'd hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that's as good as you're going to feel all day.

Quote by Dean Martin

Topics: Dean Martin Quotes

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.

I've got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: Hello,...

I've got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: Hello,...

I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,'...

I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,'...

There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks...

There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks...

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and...

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and...

If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show...

Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show...

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like...

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like...

When entering into a marriage one ought to ask oneself: do you believe you are...

When entering into a marriage one ought to ask oneself: do you believe you are...

Changing your life is like a diet, most people fail in the first week.

Changing your life is like a diet, most people fail in the first week.

Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals...

Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals...

Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar...

Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar...

Look, if I'd wanted a lecture on the rights of man, I'd have gone to...

Look, if I'd wanted a lecture on the rights of man, I'd have gone to...

While he was talking at Baylor University, President Bush said, Times are kind of tough....

While he was talking at Baylor University, President Bush said, Times are kind of tough....

I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at four in...

I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at four in...

I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me...

I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me...

Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling you, this...

Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling you, this...

Joey: Beth is really sick, I don't think they can do anything for her. Rachel:...

Joey: Beth is really sick, I don't think they can do anything for her. Rachel:...

He'd make a lovely corpse.

He'd make a lovely corpse.