I once made love to a female clown, and she twisted my penis into a poodle.

Quote by Dan Whitney

Topics: Funny Quotes, Jokes Quotes

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I...

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the...

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the...

Hosting the Oscars is like making love to a beautiful woman - it's something I...

Hosting the Oscars is like making love to a beautiful woman - it's something I...

I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.

I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

He had a mind so fine that no idea could violate it.

He had a mind so fine that no idea could violate it.

There are more bad musicians than there is bad music.

There are more bad musicians than there is bad music.

Big news on CNN, a search has uncovered illegal biochemical agents, toxins and other dangerous...

Big news on CNN, a search has uncovered illegal biochemical agents, toxins and other dangerous...

Study is the bane of childhood, the oil of youth, the indulgence of adulthood, and...

Study is the bane of childhood, the oil of youth, the indulgence of adulthood, and...

Airplanes may kill you, but they ain't likely to hurt you.

Airplanes may kill you, but they ain't likely to hurt you.

I always wait for the Times each morning. I look at the obituary column and...

I always wait for the Times each morning. I look at the obituary column and...

Example isn't another way to teach, it is the only way to teach.

Example isn't another way to teach, it is the only way to teach.

You can fool all the people all the time if the advertising is right and...

You can fool all the people all the time if the advertising is right and...

I would describe my spirituality as exactly the opposite of having a religious affiliation.

I would describe my spirituality as exactly the opposite of having a religious affiliation.

I can't think why mothers love them. All babies do is leak at both ends.

I can't think why mothers love them. All babies do is leak at both ends.

Breasts like granite and a brain like swiss cheese.

Breasts like granite and a brain like swiss cheese.

Youth is not measured by the age of a person, but by the curiosity a...

Youth is not measured by the age of a person, but by the curiosity a...

3 blonds were driving to Disney World: The sign said 'Disney World Left,' so they...

3 blonds were driving to Disney World: The sign said 'Disney World Left,' so they...

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold...

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold...