The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.

Quote by Somerset Maugham

Topics: Funny Quotes, Witty Quotes

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

The trouble with young writers is that they are all in their sixties.

The trouble with young writers is that they are all in their sixties.

I made up my mind long ago that life was too short to do anything...

I made up my mind long ago that life was too short to do anything...

Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have...

Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have...

My mother speaks of my step being a source of life-long pain to her, that...

My mother speaks of my step being a source of life-long pain to her, that...

I postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by losing.

I postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by losing.

Death tugs at my ear and says: Live, I am coming.

Death tugs at my ear and says: Live, I am coming.

Society knows perfectly well how to kill a man and has methods more subtle than...

Society knows perfectly well how to kill a man and has methods more subtle than...

Death cancels everything but truth.

Death cancels everything but truth.

I do not agree with a word that you say, but I will defend to...

I do not agree with a word that you say, but I will defend to...

Done to death by slanderous tongues.

Done to death by slanderous tongues.

Death is Nature's expert advice to get plenty of Life.

Death is Nature's expert advice to get plenty of Life.

I cannot stop thinking that I died before I was born and that at my...

I cannot stop thinking that I died before I was born and that at my...

There are large numbers of people who simply don't have the values and vision necessary...

There are large numbers of people who simply don't have the values and vision necessary...

One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.

One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.

I do not believe that any man fears to be dead, but only the stroke...

I do not believe that any man fears to be dead, but only the stroke...

If ignorance is bliss, then I'd hope to, one day, be MultiOrgasmic.

If ignorance is bliss, then I'd hope to, one day, be MultiOrgasmic.

You can't aim a duck to death.

You can't aim a duck to death.

Tis the business of little minds to shrink; but he whose heart is firm, and...

Tis the business of little minds to shrink; but he whose heart is firm, and...

A person starts dying when they stop dreaming.

A person starts dying when they stop dreaming.

George washington said We would have a black president when pigs fly!... well, swine flu.

George washington said We would have a black president when pigs fly!... well, swine flu.