The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.

Quote by Somerset Maugham

Topics: Funny Quotes, Witty Quotes

Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have...

Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have...

I made up my mind long ago that life was too short to do anything...

I made up my mind long ago that life was too short to do anything...

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

The trouble with young writers is that they are all in their sixties.

The trouble with young writers is that they are all in their sixties.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year....

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year....

It goes Christmas, New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day. Is that fair to anyone who's alone?...

It goes Christmas, New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day. Is that fair to anyone who's alone?...

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

My favorite review described me as the cinematic equ

My favorite review described me as the cinematic equ

Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned...

Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned...

I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.

I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.

Why join the navy if you can be a pirate?

Why join the navy if you can be a pirate?

It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in...

It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in...

The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears it...

The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears it...

Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go...

Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go...

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year...

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year...

Never fight an inanimate object.

Never fight an inanimate object.

Study until 25, investigate until 40, profession until 60, at which age I would have...

Study until 25, investigate until 40, profession until 60, at which age I would have...

Study is the bane of childhood, the oil of youth, the indulgence of adulthood, and...

Study is the bane of childhood, the oil of youth, the indulgence of adulthood, and...

You know, Hobbes, some days even my rocketship underpants dont help.

You know, Hobbes, some days even my rocketship underpants dont help.

The test of an author is not to be found merely in the number of...

The test of an author is not to be found merely in the number of...