I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

Quote by Stephen Wright

Topics: Dreams Quotes, Television Quotes

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how...

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how...

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day 'cause that means it's...

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day 'cause that means it's...

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one...

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new...

I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new...

I have a microwave fireplace in my house. The other night I laid down in...

I have a microwave fireplace in my house. The other night I laid down in...

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My...

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My...

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go...

Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go...

I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went...

I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went...

Well, you know when you're rocking in a rocking chair, and you go so far...

Well, you know when you're rocking in a rocking chair, and you go so far...

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing...

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing...

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said,...

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said,...

Boy, life takes a long time to live

Boy, life takes a long time to live

There is a point at which everything becomes simple and there is no longer any...

There is a point at which everything becomes simple and there is no longer any...

If you want to accomplish the goals of your life, you have to begin with...

If you want to accomplish the goals of your life, you have to begin with...

It's faith in something and enthusiasm for something that makes a life worth living.

It's faith in something and enthusiasm for something that makes a life worth living.

A house is a machine for living in.

A house is a machine for living in.