The only war we ever had was the time we ran out of Mr Kipling cakes.

Quote by Jimmy Perry

Topics: Funny Quotes, Television Quotes

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the...

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the...

I can't prove it, but I can say it.

I can't prove it, but I can say it.

It was one of the deadliest and heaviest feelings of my life to feel that...

It was one of the deadliest and heaviest feelings of my life to feel that...

Popularity ends on yearbook day, but respect lasts forever.

Popularity ends on yearbook day, but respect lasts forever.

Gray is a crown of splendor: it is attained by a righteous life.

Gray is a crown of splendor: it is attained by a righteous life.

Men are like wine - some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.

Men are like wine - some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.

Our age knows nothing but reaction, and leaps from one extreme to another.

Our age knows nothing but reaction, and leaps from one extreme to another.

Age is a matter of feeling, not of years.

Age is a matter of feeling, not of years.

Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.

Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks...

One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks...

My retirement plan is to find a shopping cart with good snow tires.

My retirement plan is to find a shopping cart with good snow tires.

I'll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go...

I'll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go...

People say you can't live without love...I think oxygen is more important.

People say you can't live without love...I think oxygen is more important.

Twas a woman who drove me to drink. I never had the courtesy to thank...

Twas a woman who drove me to drink. I never had the courtesy to thank...

There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a...

There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a...

For a quart of Ale is a meal for a King.

For a quart of Ale is a meal for a King.

Your families are extremely proud of you. You can't imagine the sense of relief they...

Your families are extremely proud of you. You can't imagine the sense of relief they...

I don't like to watch golf on television because I can't stand people who whisper

I don't like to watch golf on television because I can't stand people who whisper

Today's audience knows more about what's on television than what's in life.

Today's audience knows more about what's on television than what's in life.