The only war we ever had was the time we ran out of Mr Kipling cakes.

Quote by Jimmy Perry

Topics: Funny Quotes, Television Quotes

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.

Knowledge in youth is wisdom in age.

Knowledge in youth is wisdom in age.

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

For me there are only two type of women: goddesses and doormats.

For me there are only two type of women: goddesses and doormats.

Invention is the talent of youth, as judgment is of age.

Invention is the talent of youth, as judgment is of age.

During a test when the teacher passes by, you cover your answers with your hand...

During a test when the teacher passes by, you cover your answers with your hand...

The chalk thing lebron does before games...isn't chalk. It's dust from his fingers being ringless.

The chalk thing lebron does before games...isn't chalk. It's dust from his fingers being ringless.

Never wear anything that panics the cat.

Never wear anything that panics the cat.

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.

Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.

Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.

There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.

There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by...

Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by...

There are three periods in life: youth, middle age and how well you look.

There are three periods in life: youth, middle age and how well you look.

The Constitution of the United States is not a mere lawyers' document: it is a...

The Constitution of the United States is not a mere lawyers' document: it is a...

My father was a simple man. My mother was a simple woman. You see the...

My father was a simple man. My mother was a simple woman. You see the...

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

All television is children's television.

All television is children's television.

Television probably has become the most evocative, widely observed signpost we have.

Television probably has become the most evocative, widely observed signpost we have.