I hate when I can't remember if I am drying off my face with the same side of the towel I dried my butt off with.
Facebook Status Quotes
It Is What It Is Quotes
Keeping It Real Quotes
Shit Happens Quotes
S(he's) br(ok)en be(cause) s(he) be(lie)ve(d).
A girl's status will tell you more about how she feels than she ever will.
Nothing is scarier than having 5 missed calls from your mom.
Watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they become actions. Watch your actions,...
Mom: I see that you're all dressed up, where are you going? Daughter: To the...
Who else sneaks in their own candy to the movie theater? 10$ for a bag...
That moment when you are trapped in the corner of your shower because the cold...
Practicing your signature over & over again, just in case one day you become famous.
When people ask me why I don't have any tattoos I ask them 'Would you...
Why is it that Facebook even gives me the option to 'Like' my own status?...
Dear boys, If you don't look like Calvin Klein models, don't expect us to look...
Too many good girls single, too many hoes taken.
Me: 'I wanna go on a diet.' Food: 'LOL! No...'
Something is wrong with our government when I see people using food stamps and an...
That awkward moment when you say 'Hey' to someone on facebook chat, and seconds later...
The awkward when you read the word 'moment' yet it wasn't even there.
Dr: Are you sexually active? Me: Yes I'm a Facebook whore.
A woman can give a man a million reasons to be faithful, and he will...
That sad moment when you realize that the trash goes out more than you do.
Locking your car again because you can't remember if you heard the horn beep the...
Staring at a dead body in a movie to see if you can catch them...
My car only heats up enough about 30 seconds before I reach my destination.