I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

Quote by WCFields

Topics: Funny Quotes, Jokes Quotes

Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first...

Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first...

Twas a woman who drove me to drink. I never had the courtesy to thank...

Twas a woman who drove me to drink. I never had the courtesy to thank...

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank...

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank...

A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.

A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a...

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a...

Start every day with a smile and get it over with.

Start every day with a smile and get it over with.

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for...

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for...

I dread no more the first white in my hair, Or even age itself, the...

I dread no more the first white in my hair, Or even age itself, the...

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

I enjoy life. I think I'll enjoy death even more.

I enjoy life. I think I'll enjoy death even more.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of...

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never...

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never...

Age is only a number, a cipher for the records. A man can't retire his...

Age is only a number, a cipher for the records. A man can't retire his...

New needs need new techniques. And the modern artists have found new ways and new...

New needs need new techniques. And the modern artists have found new ways and new...

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

No man but a blockhead ever wrote, except for money.

No man but a blockhead ever wrote, except for money.

We got new advice as to what motivated man to walk upright: to free his...

We got new advice as to what motivated man to walk upright: to free his...

Please, dear God, don't let me fuck up.

Please, dear God, don't let me fuck up.

So many tangles in life are ultimately hopeless that we have no appropriate sword other...

So many tangles in life are ultimately hopeless that we have no appropriate sword other...