Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife.

Quote by Shelley Winters

Topics: Funny Quotes, Marriage Quotes

All marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems.

All marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems.

It was so cold I almost got married.

It was so cold I almost got married.

Every now and then, when you're on stage, you hear the best sound a player...

Every now and then, when you're on stage, you hear the best sound a player...

I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if...

I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if...

I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short.

I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short.

Now that I'm over sixty I'm veering toward respectability.

Now that I'm over sixty I'm veering toward respectability.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

I was so cold the other day, I almost got married.

I was so cold the other day, I almost got married.

I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short.

I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short.

Your body is the baggage you must carry through life. The more excess the baggage,...

Your body is the baggage you must carry through life. The more excess the baggage,...

We have a lot of kids who don't know what works means. They think work...

We have a lot of kids who don't know what works means. They think work...

We live in an age when to be young and to be indifferent can be...

We live in an age when to be young and to be indifferent can be...

The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new...

The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new...

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the...

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the...

The fastest way to meet new people is to pick up somebody else's change at...

The fastest way to meet new people is to pick up somebody else's change at...

At what point to people get in their car and think 'I'm going to take...

At what point to people get in their car and think 'I'm going to take...

Pretty much all the honest truth telling there is in the world is done by...

Pretty much all the honest truth telling there is in the world is done by...

Almost everyone has or will experience getting dumped in their lifetime. Unless, of course, you're...

Almost everyone has or will experience getting dumped in their lifetime. Unless, of course, you're...

A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night....

A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night....

The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing...

The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing...