Start every day with a smile and get it over with.

Quote by WCFields

Topics: Funny Quotes, Laughter Quotes

Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first...

Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first...

A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.

A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank...

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank...

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at...

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at...

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a...

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a...

Twas a woman who drove me to drink. I never had the courtesy to thank...

Twas a woman who drove me to drink. I never had the courtesy to thank...

So he arose and went to Zarephath. And when he came to the gate of...

So he arose and went to Zarephath. And when he came to the gate of...

A little learning is a dangerous thing; Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring:...

A little learning is a dangerous thing; Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring:...

One reason why I don't drink is because I wish to know when I am...

One reason why I don't drink is because I wish to know when I am...

For the vile person will speak villany, and his heart will work iniquity, to practise...

For the vile person will speak villany, and his heart will work iniquity, to practise...

Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake...

Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake...

And if I drink oblivion of a day, So shorten I the stature of my...

And if I drink oblivion of a day, So shorten I the stature of my...

And he said, Be it far from me, O LORD, that I should do this:...

And he said, Be it far from me, O LORD, that I should do this:...

Good as drink is, it ends in thirst.

Good as drink is, it ends in thirst.

And when it was day, certain of the Jews banded together, and bound themselves under...

And when it was day, certain of the Jews banded together, and bound themselves under...

And they found an Egyptian in the field, and brought him to David, and gave...

And they found an Egyptian in the field, and brought him to David, and gave...

Christianity gave Eros poison to drink: he did not die of it but degenerated -...

Christianity gave Eros poison to drink: he did not die of it but degenerated -...

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Woe unto them that are mighty to drink wine, and men of strength to mingle...

Woe unto them that are mighty to drink wine, and men of strength to mingle...

If men were equally at risk from this condition -- if they knew their bellies...

If men were equally at risk from this condition -- if they knew their bellies...

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold...

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold...